I was auctioned and it nearly broke me, but this is what I learned instead

And why things needed to change

*Deep breath*

This is the first time I am going to reveal in public that I was auctioned. I’m twenty-five years old. I have two kids. My husband and I are a young married couple who had finally started getting things on track when we were auctioned, and it was devastating.

I’ve never told anyone I know this. Except for my mother. I even kept it a secret from my siblings. It was so embarrassing and hurtful. I’m the eldest one, so I am trying to show them I got my life in order, slowly but surely. It was such a blow and I even have tears in my eyes as I write this, but I got the courage to share this story because I shared a true story recently and people responded well.

I don’t want it to be a painful memory anymore. I want to be able to talk about it without shame and smile knowing that I overcame that. I want to learn from it and move on. Life is about learning lessons, even though sometimes they can be harsh.

My poor heart! I didn’t think it would happen to me at such a young age or at all for that matter, but hey worse things can happen right? On a more positive note, my husband and I are still together for starters. I’m mentioning this just because sometimes a crisis drives people apart instead of bringing them together. Especially couples.

After our near new furniture was packed up in a truck for all my neighbors to see, I realized those who liked us for our smart TV and leather sofas and all I can say about them is good riddance! We were lucky if you can believe it. Our auctioneers came to the door bright and early ‘to negotiate’. If you’ve dealt with auctioneers before you know they’re ruthless and treat you like a sub-human, and your possessions like trash.

They were two females in their late thirties. They weren’t rude or pushy. I told them to take a seat and called my husband. I knew who they were because he had mentioned their names a few times since speaking to them on the phone.

He couldn’t believe they were actually here. He’d managed to stall them for nearly a week. We knew they’d come but after the clock struck 9 a.m we thought they’d forgot about us. Ha, if only. Debt collectors never forget what you owe them. We spoke briefly about the whole issue. They asked us how much money we’d raised and what we were planning to do. D day was here and we’d been cornered. We were at a wall. We had nothing. We didn’t have any money.

Why? We didn’t tell anyone what we were going through.

My love looked at me and quietly asked me what to do. We excused ourselves and talked. More of grabbing at straws than brainstorming. There was no time for ideas now. We just needed a solution. A quick fix. I hadn’t told my family and neither had he. He told me to trust him to get the money on time and I did.

We needed to trust one another if our young marriage was going to work. Besides, we were trying to be adults and handle our problems on our own.Besides, I though, ‘I am his ride or die’ and I knew what he was trying to avoid. We didn’t want people to think we were broke. More so for our families to think that he couldn’t take care of us.

But, aren’t we all trapped in this mentality? We all want to be seen as doing well and living the good life? It’s tough. That’s the real truth. The going sometimes gets hard but we just have to be grown-ups about it. My husband once told me when you’re in trouble don’t show it. People don’t want to be associated with a broke person. When closing deals, talking to customers or even your neighbors. I agree with him. After all, Jesus said when you’re fasting don’t show it. Show up and look the part. Nobody else needs to know.

The only problem is we extended that image a little too far. We also hid from our family. The only people who could have helped us had we told them early enough. At the last minute, I called my mum. She heard the desperation in my voice and she became desperate too. She didn’t have the money. Not on such short notice. Could it wait?

Damn. I thought to myself why didn’t I just tell her earlier? I talk to her about almost everything. Why did I keep this one thing to myself? Maybe I could have saved us. I tried not to cry. I didn’t want to blame my husband and I didn’t want to panic. He left and went to hustle. One last try. Maybe he’d be lucky. I served the ladies some tea and went to my room. Just looking at the clock as my husband and I exchanged texts.

“What’s going on? Have you managed?”

My youngest was two months at the time. I just held on to her and made her a promise that it would never happen again. Not to her, not to us. At that point, you even start questioning yourself as a parent. A good parent would have not let this happen. A good mother would have done anything to make sure her babies were fine. They had a safety net.

After much thought through tears and some bitterness and many questions later, I realized that I was their safety net. I was their blanket, their umbrella, their windbreaker, and their shield. I had to keep smiling and stay positive. Play silly games and give my older daughter who is almost three sugar-coated truths she can understand when she asks where the fridge is or the TV when she wants to watch cartoons. Why our bedroom has also become our dining area on most nights.

At around two p.m after waiting nearly all day my kitchen appliances and furniture were loaded swiftly and I was left in an empty living room with water stains and dust where the old antique stand which held our photographs and scented candles stood. I cleaned, closed the curtains and went to lie down. My husband didn’t come home till late in the evening that day and I believe it him harder than it did me.

He tried to negotiate for our oven earlier and cooking gas but it was futile. A neighbor who lives across from us called and asked me if we were moving. By the tone of my voice, I think she got the message not to pry and I hung up. She’s a nice lady, just bad timing.

My husband had a drinking buddy in the neighborhood. Had because it’s now past tense. They’d sit on a lazy Sunday drinking, talking and laughing. He thought he was a solid guy. The kind we’d call on or invite over even if we moved houses.Turns out he’s the kind of guy who’d dodge you if you asked for a lift to work because he heard something about you the other day.

During a neighborhood meetup, we noticed that he’s the arrogant kind of drunk. The one who demands respect and leadership because he’s working for a good company and has a car. His family was on the receiving end of these demands and the rest of us just sat there awkwardly.

My husband and I talk a lot and came to the conclusion that so many people value themselves and others based on their material value. Their net worth. Their jobs. Their cars and even the families they’ve married into. Sad but true. This is what has become acceptable and approved in society. Money talks. Money is everything. People will listen to your bullshit so long as you’re paying for their drinks after. They will pump your ego for a hand out later and invite you to a party just to say they know you or show you off like a trophy.

“Hey am friends with this guy!”

“Do you know who his dad is?”

“Do you know what he does for a living?”

And it goes on.

A local celebrity posted on Twitter and I’m paraphrasing that “In this country, if you have money and you fart you get applauded” it’s ridiculous but so true. Nobody cares, as long as you have money you’re admired, and literally have your own following. Even goons to do your bidding. Right now, am currently in between jobs and (that’s why I have more time to write) we are still recovering from that event. It happened in a few months ago and it’s been hard crawling out this shell of fear and facing reality but am glad to say the sun is shining on us again and we are reclaiming our happiness. We’re resilient. We will bounce back.

My eldest daughter starts school next year and I’m excited! My husband and I are getting closer and I’m happy to say money problems are not what come between us. The worst has already happened. I’m not saying financial constraints are absent or not stressful but I can say we’ve taken away some valuable lessons from the whole situation.

We’re now working on creating and maintaining a “sustainable ecosystem” for our financial needs to safeguard our future and our kids. We also learned not everyone who comes in wearing a cloak carrying an ax is the grim reaper. I mean you can embrace an end and make a beautiful new beginning or fight and have an ugly ending.

We also need to just plan and get ahead in the game. Becoming a parent is motivation enough to set up roots and a strong foundation. To push yourself to become better and realize your potential. As a couple, these tough times also made our bond stronger because we chose to do it together. Am not saying we didn’t sleep facing the wall some nights but at heart, we were together. We dissolved the negative feelings by just talking about how we can do things better.

Finally, everything happens for a reason. Good or bad, and in negative situations we just need to look for the silver lining.