Are you an Alpha Woman?
A feminist’s thoughts on her traditional expectations
Honestly when I got married I didn't expect it. I always wanted a man like my father, to some extent. To a limited extent. He takes care of the home. Provides for his wife and kids. He does the heavy lifting. He will get me that phone I like, pay for my shopping sprees and buy me the car I want. Maybe as a modern woman you’re ashamed to admit this, but honestly. All women want a prince charming. Yes, we want to work but also want to get a bubble bath with roses and candles aligned for us. Just admit it :-)
Well I am married now, and I find myself making more logical decisions. Planning ahead. Hustling harder and smarter. I think about the kids. I see the present and the future and I make plans on how am going to get there. I see the bumpy road, I endure the sleepless nights when my daughter has a fever and I am still here,…trying to make my man happy.
Most people do not want to be employed. This is true, but we also know that employment can be a means to an end. It is not a life sentence. For my husband though, being employed is equivalent to jail time. In all aspects of life. He detest it so much that, he’d rather the whole family go through the motions with him as he tries to set up his business.
But what about now? What about today?
Even if we loose everything. Even if we have nothing.
‘It is only for a limited time’, he says. ‘I am working to set us up for life. For the long run.’ And, I respect that. I respect vision. But I also respect proper planning, sacrifice and compromise. We can’t avoid it. It is part of being an adult. And not just any kind of an adult. A parent.
I was reading this article, and I realized that perhaps I am becoming an alpha woman. After all, these women’s stories resonate with me. I understand how they feel.
I have gone through the ‘earning more emasculates him’ phase and then we moved past that. Today, I take care of everything. The hospital bills, children’s needs, my own needs and his as well.I can’t say he’s comfortable with it because, he never saw the tables turning the way thy are now. He doesn’t want me to spend my money, but at the end of the day it’s me we depend on.
It is not the set up I wanted either, I am still struggling to understand it. Are we modern enough, to take on reverse roles comfortably or is it just something we tell ourselves because we want to be those kinds of people.
Initially, the reversed role issues creeped into our sex life and rendered it almost nil. But now, it is great. Beyond great, why? I decided to back him up. Stop with all the frustrating questions and to stop getting frustrated myself. He feels more supported, loved and respected. So, at the end of the day I have come to this conclusion.
As the woman, the wife and mother that you are; you either get comfortable playing reverse roles and stop thinking of him as another child; or discuss the issue because, if you don’t like it and don’t see yourself adapting to your new lifestyle role, there’s only one place your story will end.
