Open your eyes and listen!
The lies we tell ourselves to stay in toxic relationships
Have you ever found yourself in a mess that you created? You ignored all the signs and closed your eyes when everything you needed to know was right in front of you. It’s the same reason you fought then and same reason you’re still fighting now. It’s the conversation you’d rather not have because you don’t want to fight again this week. It’s the reason why you keep silent even when you want to burst. The reason why you’re getting dizzy spells or drinking more. Oh, you thought they would change for you?
People don’t change.
Perhaps it’s because you thought you’re relationship had gotten more serious now things would get better. You’ve moved in together. Gone on some life changing trips. You were there for each other during some really tough times. When he fell ill, when you’re loved one died but that still doesn’t change a person. Especially when they’re not bad people. They just have different perspectives. You don’t share the same opinions on the most important things in your life. You may have a lot in common but there’s that one thing that no matter what happens between you two,will never change.
He lied about not having a child from his past relationships, only to find out the truth after you got married via his ex text message asking for child support. He’s a womanizer and that does not change after marriage. You will either have to find a way to deal with it or go on your separate ways. Perhaps she doesn’t want kids and you love her. You’re parents are already asking for grandkids and she’s still not budging. Don’t be fooled. She won’t budge. It’s not what she wants in her life. She’s a lovely person but kids is a major issue. If you’re not on the same boat make peace early and move on. If he’s not the type to hold down a job don’t expect him to do so even when the kids come along. It’s not part of his plan either. Being self employed is his dream. He loves you but girl you can’t trample on that dream just because you asked nicely. And then again more seriously, and then with tears in your eyes because you got laid off and now you’re both don’t have a stable income. Nah, doesn’t work that way.
If I’ve come to realize something the hard way it’s that people don’t change. Not fundamentally and not the good ones. They don’t have bad habits or bad hearts. They’re kind and considerate, good friends to others. A good sibling and a good child. Why then should they change their ideals to fit someone else’s. No one needs to conform to anyone else’s choice of lifestyle. What they need to do is find someone who shares their same ideals. Someone who wants what they want out of life too. You better have a list of some things you’re not willing to compromise on. At least a mental note and be serious about it. Get to know yourself first and then get serious in a relationship knowing what you can let slide and what you can’t compromise on.It will save you a lot of time, effort and more so emotional pain.
Everyone deserves to be happy and so we shouldn’t hold on to something out of fear. Fear kills you real slow but the end could be fatal. You will walk away emotionally broken with low self esteem and self worth after years fighting a losing battle. You’ll look back and realize how much time you wasted and wish you could get it back, and change what you can’t change now. The good news it’s not the end for you. When one thing ends it’s the beginning for something else to take place, for someone new to come in. For life to teach you a lesson and for time to move on. Just keep this in mind, before you move on to the next level make sure you’re on the same page and the same for the next level and the next. Open your eyes, everything you need to know is right in front you.
One more thing, to be happy without compromising too much on what you want in life make sure you’re highly independent. Irrespective of the circumstances you may face, you could pull yourself out at least most of the way. A helping hand is okay to take because as human beings we need each other but don’t depend on someone so much that without them your world could be turned upside down. You know that’s not a 50/50 relationship. A mutual relationship is the best kind.
