Women speak out!
Hurting in silence
In light of the news that Harvey Weinstein, a celebrated Hollywood movie director has been sexually harassing women for the past 30 years I felt I should ask a fundamental question: Why does it take women so long to talk about something that hurts them?
I’m not victimizing them, I am asking a question based on facts. It’s true. We tend to hide our hurt. We hide behind smiles and masks of makeup and shallow chit chat with friends when we could be addressing serious problems that really affect our lives negatively .
We hide abusive relationships, we pretend we’re not being harassed at work, we typically ignore cat calling idiots, and we’re so ashamed of sexual abuse and the trauma that comes with it that we’re literally tongue tied. I can’t claim to know what women who have been sexually abused or harassed have or are going through but it deeply affects me. I take it so personally when I hear another woman or child’s story of rape or trafficking. It’s so disturbing to me. I pray for those women and I think about them constantly because unfortunately their stories keep coming up. It never ends. It’s a dehumanizing viscous cycle and we just live in that kind of horrible world sometimes.
This exists everywhere, not just Hollywood but as we’re talking about people who literally get on stage for a living they have the mic to the world and so we hear their stories first.Women being belittled and harassed no matter their age or status. Even in the glitz and glamour of Hollywood these women are still made to feel less than. Insecure and fearful. They might lose their jobs, they may not get more jobs or they’ll simply lose face if no one believes them.
Another story that took ages to come out was about a man much loved by many and would have remained a renowned and respected figure hadn’t some brave women stepped up. Bill Cosby. At the height of his career he took advantage of underage women, drugging them and then having sex with them when they were under the influence. The singer, Kesha also accused a Sony music producer of raping her and taking advantage of her for years. Other female musicians supported her but the top management in the recording company to which she’s signed shunned her and denied her allegations and even going so far as to insist she fulfill her contract to make more music with the same producer! No exceptions, its legally binding. This strong woman spoke out and took on a whole conglomerate to defend herself. It’s beyond my imagination what it took her to do that, I’m in awe of her strength.
Just before the Harvey Weinstein story broke didn’t Taylor Swift file a sexual harassment case too? She was groped, and yet again tried to make it her fault. As a woman why does it have to be your fault for being harassed?
Why do some men feel they can do this to women just as they please? Doesn’t matter that am not your wife or girlfriend but if you feel like touching me you will? Pure nonsense. It’s unacceptable and I applaud the ladies who face these matters head on.
In the Weinstein case, Rosie McGowan, Gwenyth Paltrow, Ashley Judd and even Angelina Jolie have all claimed he sexual harassment or assault .The New York Times is still uncovering more details to the story. It’s unraveling slowly but it’s picking like a wild fire and revealing some shameful truths. All of which of course Harvey Weinstein has denied.
It does beg the question though; why didn’t they speak out earlier? They’re all high profile successful women who have a voice and already put their names on different charities or are ambassadors for the well being of others. Why not their own first?
Do they feel unsafe or insecure in the business? Is there pressure to be quiet? Being a public figure and sometimes appearing untouchable makes vulnerability in front of the whole world that much harder. To show people that you’re in pain and you’re life isn’t perfect behind the camera and under that Givenchy dress is a beating heart, can be difficult. You’ve built a brand and a career for yourself. You’re definitely not sure how this news will be taken by your fans or peers.
I’m saying it again, I don’t understand. I have not been in their position but I’d like to imagine these are some of the thoughts that cross their mind.I cannot judge them for their silence. I’m trying to understand but I’m also saying more women need to speak about this sooner. The stigma attached to sexual abuse needs to be eradicated and these conversations need to be held openly and delicately.
Thandie Newton was also sexually abused and though the years have passed something like that stays fresh in the mind and often replays in the mind no matter how much distance you put between yourself and that memory. It’s traumatic. She has become an activist against such mistreatment in Hollywood and other spaces generally. She won’t be shut up and I’m proud of her courage.
Ladies let’s band together. Let’s help other victims through volunteer work or writing about it, or talking to someone you know who has experienced it. If you’ve suffered this experience talk to someone and seek help either in counseling or advice on the next steps to recovery. Let’s do what we can to help one another and to end the normalization of abusing women. It’s so wrong and it shouldn’t be given the space or time of day anywhere to take place or become a casual conversation. It needs to be taken more seriously.
